Praying
by sofia-sama
Summary: [S9 spoilers] Castiel is broken inside. Dean left him, and he can't stand it... So he prays.


**A/N: I was trying to write for NaNoWriMo, but I couldn't focus... I had this in my mind, so I wrote it down... What do you think? ^^**

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_One-shot_

Castiel was sitting in the motel room Dean had taken him into. He felt broken, as if he didn't belong.

Castiel knows. He knows Dean is not an angel, so he would never hear him. But part of him didn't listen... He needed comfort, he needed something to sooth him. And so he did what he felt he needed to do.

He kneeled on the floor, near the bed. He joined his hands together, closed his eyes and started talking.

"I... I need you. You're always saying you need me. You say we're family. But I'm the one who needs you the most. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I would still be in heaven, true, but I wouldn't have met you. And so I wouldn't living anyway. I would just be there, pretending that I believed in what I was doing... You made me realize that there is something better than God. You made me believe that I don't need to serve God every day, I only need to believe that he is there... But I'm lost. I don't know what to do. You said 'You can't stay' and so I went way.I don't know why you asked me that... I could see it pained you to ask me to leave, but you did it anyway. And so, here I am. Lost, with no direction. Every time I try a compass, and follow it, I can't go inside... so don't even bother with trying to follow it any more. Every time I try to go see what I really want to see, I end up where I can't go. Every time I think of all of this... Every single time... I-I feel a pain in my heart. It hurts me that you asked me to leave. It hurts me to know that as much as I want, I can never go there. And it pains me the most to know that I can't make you see all this. Maybe you would see that I care, that I always cared. I may not be very good in human emotions yet, but I know enough. I know that this bond... our bond... is so profoud that it aches to be away from you. I don't know what name you give this ache, but I know it's here. And every time I jump into sleep, I only dream of you. Every time I close my eyes, I see yours. I want to be near you... I need to be near you. That is all I know. So please, Dean. Don't stay away from me. Don't leave me alone. I can't stand to be alone from you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Despite everything that went wrong along the way here, we're still family, and I still need you."

Castiel trailed off, his eyes flutering opens. Tears were falling from his eyes, and sobs interrupting his speach. He tried to make himself stop sobbing, he tried to regain power over his body when a pair of arms hugged him close.

"You should have said so..." A voice, that sounded just as broken as Castiel's whispered into Cas' ear.

"D-Dean.." Castiel whispered in disbelief.

He was so absorbed in pouring his heart out, that he didn't hear Dean coming inside the room. He didn't know that Dean was standing on his side as he spoke.

Cas hugged Dean back and cried in Dean's shoulder. Dean just held him close, rubbing comforting circles in Castiel's back.

"You know... I didn't want you to leave. I didn't know you are this broken. I would have made you stay. I would never leave you." Dean said, not only trying to sooth the ex-angel, but also comforting himself, because he needed Cas just as much as Cas needed him.

They stayed there hugging each other for what seemed like hours. Neither of them ready to let the other go, neither of them wanting to feel empty inside again.

"I'm staying here with you." Dean told Castiel.

"Why can't we just go back to the bunker?" Castiel asked, with the usual tilt in his head.

Dean took a deep breath.

"Remember when I told you that Ezekiel was trying to help Sam?" Dean waited for Castiel to nod. "Well, he's inside Sam, helping him heal. And he says that you would attrack the other angels there... So either he would leave, or you would leave. I'm sorry I did this to you." Dean kissed Cas' forehead. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Cas."

"It's ok, Dean. You're here now... You're not going to leave are you?" Cas asked, a bit in panic.

"Never again." Dean assured him, pulling Cas as close as he could.


End file.
